Advent Underwear
by Lord Noctis
Summary: This is what really happened between Cloud and Sephiroth! R&R Please!


**ADVENT UNDERWEAR**

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**This is just something random I thought up one day while watching Cloud's fight with Sephiroth. It just seemed fitting. Enjoy! **

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Cloud had had a horribly bad day, so bad that he had had to change his underwear a multitude of times. Now he was free falling through the air after the mother obsessed teenage brat named Kadaj. Said teenager pulled the contents of the 

box which he had been carrying for the past hour out. It was a pair of red boxers with pink hearts all over it. Kadaj looked at them in shock, wondering if Rufus had tricked him. There was no way this was what he had been seeking for so long. A pair of underwear that no man with a girlfriend would ever wear? It couldn't be! Yet he was drawn to it, could feel it striving to become one with him.

From where he was Cloud could also see the object, and found himself wondering how anybody could have mistaken it for Jenova's head. Jenova had looked wierd, but not that wierd. He met Kadaj's eyes and saw a little bit of confusion, and

a lot of embarresment on the young mans face.

As the two continued to fall Kadaj shouted up to Cloud "Hey!! Could you maybe turn around for a second please!?"

Cloud yelled back "I am free falling hundreds of yards through the air with a two-hundred pound sword!!!! No I can not turn around!!!!"

Kadaj looked over his shoulder to try and figure out how long it would take to reach the ground. It looked like they had a little ways to go yet. He turned back to Cloud and said "Couldn't you swing your sword and use the momentum to turn!?!?"

Cloud considered this for a second, then said "Hold on a sec!!!!" He gave his massive sword a swing causing him to spin wildly out of control and he said "AHHHHGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Kadaj took the chance and quickly pulled downs his pants and threw off his old undies, which oddly had little pink bunnies all over them. Cloud caught sight of Kadaj at that second and cried "WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS DECENT  
ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?"

"I'M CHANGING MY UNDERWEAR!!!!!!!!!!" Kadaj shouted back as loud as he could while pulling on the underwear from the box. Before he could pull his pants back up dark tendrils of energy, or possibly some other unthinkable thing, poured over

his body as he landed lightly on the ground, while Cloud somehow regained control of his body in mid flight.

His massive sword came down on Kadaj's head, but he was suddenly suspended above the man who was no longer there. Instead Sephiroth was there in his black leather outfit, his sword appeared out of thin air in his hand between him and

Cloud's own weapon.

"It's good to see you, Cloud," Sephiroth said as their eyes met.

"Well, shit," Cloud said, then Sephiroth hurled him onto the roof of a nearby skyscraper before he flew up and landed on a somewhat higher level than Cloud who quickly turned to face the sociopathic madman.

Sephiroth said "Your Geostigma is gone? Thats to bad,"

"Sephiroth, whadyawant?" Cloud asked.

"The last thoughts of Geostigma's death. Those remnants will join with my underwear and tighten them. What I want, Cloud, is to sail the darkness of the cosmos with some comfy undies, just as my mother did long ago." Sephiroth started to

explain, but Cloud interrupted him.

"What the hell are you talking about!? Jenova was naked!!" He shouted.

"No she did have some skimpy panties, but they burned up in the atmosphere and she never got any new ones. Decided it would be easier to be a nudist," Sephiroth replied with a shrug.

"Oh, well continue then," Cloud said.

Sephiroth lifted a hand into the air and several dark clouds filled the sky as he said "Then one day I'll find a new planet, and on its soil I'll create a shining underwear factory,"

"What about my underwear?" Cloud asked preparing for battle, not even knowing why he asked such a wierd question.

"Well, thats up to you, Cloud," Sephiroth declared.

"Ok, before we start this ultimate fight let me ask one question, when the hell did this obsession with underwear start!?" Cloud demanded.

Sephiroth shrugged and said "JC penny's"

"Ah," Cloud said, then they sprang in each other bringing their swords slamming together. The two fought back and fourth for several moments before Sephiroth smashed Cloud into a building where the two clashed swords with incredible

power!

"Ahh, where did you find this underwear?" Sephiroth asked looking down to wear Cloud's boxers were showing with a very frightening smile on his face.

"I'm not about to tell you!!" Cloud declared before knocking Sephiroth out of the building. The two continued fighting outside with Sephiroth flinging chunks of buildings at the blond swordsman who sliced through them before they continued

fighting.

"I've thought of a wonderful present for you," Sephiroth said as he flew backwards with Cloud jumping after him.

"Ugh, not another stuffed chocobo!!" Cloud exclaimed as they clashed in mid air.

"Of course not!" Sephiroth said.

"Oh, what then?" Cloud asked taking another swing.

Sephiroth said "Shall I give you new underwear?" Then he sent Cloud tumbling towards the side of a building but the blond swordsman used his sword to stab the building giving himself a foothold while Sephiroth landed higher up looking down

at Cloud. "On your knees, I want you to beg for my underwear," Sephiroth said before using his telekenitic power to cause a large section of the Shinra building they were on to fall towards them. Sephiroth turned and sliced into the chunk braking it into dozens of pieces before vanishing inside the debris field.

Thinking fast Cloud pulled one of the many blades that made up his weapon out and stabbed it into the building next to his main blade, then dropped grabbing both blades and kicking off the building before flipping and running up the building and slicing through the oncoming debris before Sephiroth came from ahead and the duel resumed. They jumped from one piece of debris to another their blades meeting constantly before Cloud retreated from the falling debris field and onto

the roof of the Shinra building where he fell to one knee in exhastion.

Suddenly Sephiroth flew up and knocked him into the wall before stabbing him in the shoulder.

"Tell me what underwear you cherish most, give me the pleasure of taking it away," Sephiroth said sinisterly. Suddenly Cloud had a sudden and random flashback of every pair of underwear he had ever worn. With a sudden surge of strength

he pulled Sephiroth's blade from his shoulder and stabbed it into the wall before taking a swing at Sephiroth who leapt backwards.

"I pity you. You just don't get it at all!" Cloud declared. Sephiroth gave a smirk and came forward blocking a slash from Cloud before flipping over Cloud and launching himself into the air with the blond mere seconds behind him. "Theres no underwear I don't cherish!!"

Cloud shouted before swinging his blade around at Sephiroth launching all of the various blades into a field around the sociopath, who suddenly looked up in horror as he got a wedgie. Then Cloud unleashed his omnislash slicing through Sephiroth several times before landing on the Shinra building's roof with his swords stabbed into the ground around him, he caught the main blade in his hand.

As the dark clouds faded letting in sunlight once again Cloud said "Stay where you belong, in my underwear drawer,"

Sephiroth's wing snapped out as he said "I will,"

"Good!" Cloud interrupted.

"I wasn't done!" Sephiroth said.

"Damn!" Cloud said again.

"Now where was I? Oh yes. I will...never be an underwear," Sephiroth said, then his wing rapped around him and he vanished before Kadaj fell from the sky.

For several moments silence ruled the rooftop before Kadaj said "That was wierd,"

"Yeah," Cloud agreed.

**THE END**


End file.
